Don’t Just Give Your Butter Away

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Here in the midwest we have a tradition at our State Fair that involves young dairy princesses getting their images carved out of big slabs of butter. Maybe you have this tradition, too? No? One of Lexie’s godmothers was a dairy princess and when the fair was over she cut up her Butter Head and gave the chunks away as Christmas gifts.

I bring this up because I was trying to explain the feeling I have of constantly being chipped away at to my Georgia hermana the other day. And the image of the State Fair Butter Heads kept popping up. As a wife and daughter and friend and neighbor and mother of four, of course I’m going to give away a lot of, well, butter throughout the day. But the truth is that much of the time I feel like people are coming at me with a chisel and just scraping butter off at will.

A lot of requests come in that don’t line up with who I hope to be in the world or what I hope to accomplish. It’s not that the requests aren’t worthwhile (although sometimes they’re really not), but to do them means taking time away from the things that truly matter to me. And unfortunately there are only so many hours in the day.

Do you have a litmus test to make sure that the things you are asked or expected to do align with your goals and hopes and dreams? I’ve spent quite a bit of time this week working on Chinese New Year parties, and I really do feel like they fit in with my vision of what’s important for me and my family and community. The same with exercising, although I do the minimum amount possible.

Is it important to have homemade valentines or will the kids be content to give out store-bought ones? (Who am I kidding? My kids don’t care whether the valentines are homemade. They just want the candy. This is clearly about me.) But if making valentines or playing the guitar or going for long runs is important to you, then you shouldn’t have to apologize for clearing space to do those things. Even if it means saying no to things that other people think should be your priority.

And do you know what I’m finally realizing? The people making the requests will be just fine. They’ll find someone else to run the committee or kvetch to. But meanwhile, you will be doing the things that will make you more you. And you might even find that filling your life up with those things will make your Butter Head even bigger so you have more to give away. Because giving your butter away with intention is actually quite wonderful.

So repeat after me: I Will Only Give My Butter Away to What Matters to Me. Say it as often as necessary until you can cheerfully say “no” without guilt.