September 19, 2012

Mug of Wisdom #38 / Harlan Coben

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Hello! My name is Shannon Taylor and I'm a writer and editor who enjoys riffing on life in this little corner of the internet. I "published" my first newsletter when I was nine and since then, I’ve written across various mediums, including magazines, websites, and textbooks. I started this blog when my kids were small so I could capture memories and be more intentional about my days. My children are grown now, but I still like to use this space to share ideas and keep working on being intentional.

If you're in the mood for a bit of Christmas cheer, you might enjoy THE ADVENT BOX, available wherever books are sold.

Full circle moment! 🎸 It feels like only yesterday Will was strumming his first guitar at 1-1/2 years old, and now he’s asked me to help him learn for real. Starting him off with some Green Day, and we’ll go from there. He`s got the rock star look down. ❤️

#ProudMom #GuitarLessons #FamilyHistory"

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I rowed in a double today!

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I did some research this morning on the origin of "Childless Cat Lady" and was saddened to read J.D. Vance`s original comments. In our family, love is love, so I`m just as much a mother to my child who was adopted as I am to my biological children, and Pete Buttigieg and his husband are just as married as we are, and their kids are just as much theirs. And if you`re a step-parent, you know that love doesn`t have to be defined by biology. I’ve seen friends step into this role with grace and strength, proving that being a parent is about showing up, caring, and loving every day. Whether you`re there from the start or come into the child`s life later, what truly matters is the bond you build.

And let’s not forget, there are many reasons someone might not have children. The phrase "Childless Cat Lady" carries such unfair assumptions, as if a person`s worth is tied to having kids. Whether by choice or circumstance, plenty of people lead full, meaningful lives without children. Let`s be kinder with our language and recognize that love, family, and fulfillment come in many forms.

As Vice President Kamala Harris said in the debate, "It`s time to turn the page." And part of that is recognizing that families like ours—blended, adoptive, step-parented—are the reality for so many. It`s time we embrace the diversity of what family means today.

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In 26 years of parenting, I`ve only gone on record twice before with parenting advice (#1: Just stop for a moment every single day and really look at your child and #2: Don`t be afraid to praise them). But the other day I read a parenting advice post that said you shouldn`t help your kids if they forget their lunch or sports equipment because to do so will keep them from building character. Those words have been knocking around in my head ever since.

So I`m going to go out on a limb and gently offer parenting tip #3: helping your kids doesn`t keep them from building character. Tim and I help each other all the time, so why wouldn`t we help our kids? Life is challenging enough and will give them plenty of opportunities to tough it out and build resilience.

If you want to help them build character, let them see you put your cart away in the parking lot corral, even if it`s raining or you`re in a hurry. Let them see you sign up to bring food to a sick neighbor or someone with a new baby. Let them see you ask for and receive help with gratitude and grace. (Learning how to ask for help was life-changing for me.) Let them see you, in the words of Bob the Tomato of VeggieTales, "say you`re sorry and make it right." In my admittedly Hufflepuff-y opinion, this is the stuff that makes good people, good families, and good communities.

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